Thursday, May 19, 2005

Kissing Rules Explained

Last month I posted a piece named Kissing Rules. In the piece, I listed the seven criteria my daughters agreed to use before they kiss a boy. The comments that were left regarding my piece indicated that my reason for the kissing rules was not as obvious as I had assumed. The rules actually have very little to do with kissing and a lot to do with judgment.

My wife and I want our girls to be able to judge the character of everyone they know based on behavior patterns; not just the behavior of boys or boyfriends, but everyone. We also want our girls to develop the type of character that is evident in their good behavior. Neither of our girls are the least bit interested in kissing a boy now, but they are aware that there will come a time in the future when they are old enough to want to have a boyfriend.

My girls will not always make the best choices regarding who they pick as friends and what activities they choose to do. Nobody does when they are growing up. I can make all kinds of rules to guide my girls, but part of growing up is making mistakes and learning from experience. If we have too many rules, my girls will not develop the judgment they need to be an adult; if we have too few rules, my girls will not get the guidance they need.

Our Kissing Rules seemed to be the perfect line in the sand. By drawing a future line in the sand, we are allowing our girls to have a little freedom to choose their own friends, and make a few mistakes. However, we are also teaching them that character has always and will always matter. They need to know there will come a point in their life when judging a person based on behavior patters will be so important, they can’t afford to make a casual or dumb mistake.

As their father, I don’t want my girls to take kissing boys lightly. I am hoping that by the time they decide they are ready for their first kiss, they will have developed the judgment they need to make a good decision regarding the boy they choose.

1 comment:

Hammertime said...

Great plan, David. While my kissing rules are a little more restrictive, I am attempting to use a similar method - where they go along with the rules because of the reasoning behind them, not because they fear Dad the Hammer.

I'll be excited when I get my first kiss from baby Grace, actually. Now she just looks at me, and if I'm lucky, doesn't barf.