Memo to the Rich

To: Anyone who is thinking about donating to a charity

From: Contrarian Views on behalf of the financially poor

Re: Charity

If you are thinking about donating to a charity out of pity for the poor, please reconsider. We don’t need your pity. In fact, many of us pity you for all of the misconceptions and lies you believe about the value of money and the nature of poverty.

If you think you are better, better off, or superior to the poor because of the size of your bank account, don’t bother donating. We may not be superior to you, but in many ways we are much better off than you.

If you have ever used the term “burger flipper”, you think you are superior to us even if you won’t admit it. We don’t need your condescending money.

If you have ever lied to a customer, lied to an employee, or lied to a boss in order to make more money, stick those dollars back in your wallet. We could have lied in order to achieve financial success just like you, but we chose our integrity over financial wealth.

If you worked late at night or on weekends when you should have been spending time with your children, put your bucks away. We could have also sacrificed our children for a little extra green, but we chose to be with our family instead of our checkbook.

If you think anyone is impressed with the type of car you drive or the house you own, you are truly pitiful. Keep your guilt money. We do not wish you to be relieved of your guilt.

If you think you are too good to shop at Wal-mart, we don’t want your money. You don’t have a clue about poverty since you are unwilling to support the one entity that is truly helping us.

If you made your wealth as a Pastor pleasing people when you should have been pleasing God, your money is very tainted. Keep it for yourself. We could have behaved the same way, but we chose to please God.

If you made a fortune selling music and concert tickets to drug induced kids, your money is worthless to us. The gangs associated with illegal drug trade have ravaged some of our neighborhoods.

If your wealth comes from Hollywood where the primary values are sex before the first date and gay sex without a date, keep your money. We already waste enough time protecting our children from you and your misguided values.

If you made of ton of money through insider trading, stock manipulation, or stock options not available to common folks, we don’t want any of this money either, it smells of cigar smoke.

If Budweiser is beneath you, go buy a more expensive beer with your money instead of giving it to us. Good taste is not a requirement for charity, but common sense is.